The Phases of Domestic Violence!

Real Talk with Judge Dawson

We must not forget domestic violence.  I viewed a recent FaceBook post from a friend “outing” domestic violence situation.  I used the term “outing” because that’s exactly what was done.  The unacceptable, terrorism that is domestic violence was called out based on experiences that took place in that particular family.  I personally touched base with this individual in a small effort to short support and concern.  Based on the nature of domestic violence offenses, the people who need the support and concern often feel alone and like an outcast.  Even beyond the fact that I personally reached out this person, the entire event further justifies why it is important that we continue to shine the light on domestic violence.  

Domestic violence is a very intricate type of offense.  There will always be more questions than answers, like why did she stay, because every situation is different. However, there are some common phases of domestic violence the experts have been able to identify.  

There are three phases of the cycle of violence that repeat a pattern by the abuser and the victim/survivor.

The first phase for the ABUSER:  In this phase the tension builds up, in which the batterer blames the victim, makes unreasonable demands, misinterprets every move, and blocks and hovers. 

The first phase for the VICTIM: In this phase the victim tries to calm his/her batterer and believes he/she can control the partner. The victim does not get angry and denies their own anger.

The second phase for the ABUSER: In this phase the abuser starts out to teach a lesson, and the abuser’s behavior escalates to physical or extreme emotional violence. The victim’s behavior does not affect the outcome, and the victim may disassociate, remain calm and wait out the storm. I

The second phase for the VICTIM: In this phase, the victim’s only option is to find a safe place to hide or run to. Symptoms after the assault: denial, disbelief, rationalization and delays in seeking medical attention. Feelings of depression and helplessness often follow.

The third phase for the ABUSER: In this phase the batterer’s behavior is often charming and they want the victim’s forgiveness. This phase is known as the honeymoon phase and can be confusing to victims because they want to believe the battering will not happen again. Often, they are given gifts and friends and family are often asked to intervene.

The third phase for the VICTIM: During phase three, victims are seeking help from her physician as well as other professionals and they want to believe in the relationship and forgive. They choose to believe that this person is the real person and will not hurt them again. The victim needs the support of family and friends and needs to focus on safety and learn the signs of manipulative behavior.

If you know someone who is being abused, talk to them and voice your concerns. Let them know that you will keep their confidence and that you care. You may save a life.

For more discussion on this subject or others, join Judge Dawson’s Cycle Breaker/Finish First program on Monday nights at 5:30pm at the East Cleveland Municipal Court.  East Cleveland Municipal Court’s Judge William L. Dawson is on a mission to help people to Finish First, live their best lives and be Cycle Breakers!  

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Sh*t Goes Down On An Elevator

“Cycle Breaking” 

with Judge William  Dawson 

Sometimes Sh*t Goes Down On The Elevator!

Due to recent events, awareness of domestic violence is once again spreading across our nation. I commend all the men and women who’ve been on the front lines of this battle even when it wasn’t talked about as much as now. On the other hand, I am appalled at the few "leaders” or “people with voices” who have disregarded this very serious matter by stating that the “Ray Rice” situation is a distraction from the more important “Michael Brown” issue or “police brutality.” The fact is that any injustice is a tragedy. 

As opposed to being a distraction, domestic violence is one of the most serious forms of violence a person can experience.  While there are hundreds of people protesting and marching about the Michael  Brown tragedy, the statistics reveal that some of the same people seeking justice for that issue are, in private, beating their own loved ones. So while we are fighting the system, let’s also stand up to show outrage over the violence against women. 

From that stand point we now know that “Sh*t Goes Down On The Elevator.”

THE ELEVATOR REPRESENTS PRIVACY

Domestic Violence is the “secret” offense. Some of the people we see smiling, laughing, even giving relationship advice every day, go home and are victims to some form of violence or intimidation.  The statistics show that 1 out of every 4 women will experience some form of domestic violence in their lifetime. A challenge to understanding the impact of domestic violence is that in many communities domestic violence has become common place, normal and excepted.  As an example, when was the last time you heard a man or woman refer to their mate as a b*tch or another curse word? That’s verbal intimidation/violence. When was the last time you heard of a scenario where someone refused money or made other financial threats to their mate? That is mental and financial intimidation/violence. When was the last time you saw a person grab his or her mate, forcing them to go somewhere? That is physical intimidation/violence.  

For those who believe that these are normal relationship behaviors, I wonder if these offenses would be acceptable to you if they were committed against your sons or daughters.  I would certainly have something to say if anyone treated my children this way.

THE ELEVATOR REPRESENTS ISOLATION

In both of the Solange and Ray Rice situations, when the elevator doors closed the aggressors took advantage of the isolated environment to start throwing punches.  That fact alone makes domestic violence so outrageous.  Most of us don’t go into an isolated place with people whom we don’t trust.  When you are alone with someone in a private space and they use that moment to attack you it is a  total betrayal.

THE ELEVATOR REPRESENTS PAIN

Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.

Women ages 20 to 24 are at the greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.

Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men.

Every year, 1 in 3 women who are victims of homicide are murdered by a current or former partner.

In addition to the victim’s pain, the hidden victims of domestic violence are the children.  Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence suffer abuse or neglect. These children are likely to have health problems, experience violence themselves and display behavior and learning problems in school. Children even learn that violence against family members is ok and that violence is a proper reaction to frustration. The overall psychological abuse is devastating.

I’m working to address this problem through my leadership programs. In addition to giving instructions on how to avoid negative interaction with the legal system we also provide training, counseling and help to overcome the effects of domestic violence as well as training for those who have a habit of hurting people they love and trust.

Domestic violence is not cool, its not acceptable.  Sh*t should never go down on the elevator!

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Judge William L. Dawson, 

East Cleveland Municipal Court

judgewilliamdawson@gmail.com

www.teamfinishfirst.com /www.Judgedawson.com